Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where an individual or group makes someone question their reality, memory, or perception. While often associated with romantic relationships, gaslighting can manifest in various social settings, including family dynamics, friendships, workplaces, and even digital interactions. Understanding how gaslighting operates in different contexts is essential for recognizing its signs and protecting mental well-being.
The Origins of Gaslighting
The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 play Gas Light, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her sanity. Since then, the term has evolved to describe manipulative tactics aimed at eroding another person’s confidence in their own judgment. From a psychological standpoint, gaslighting falls under emotional abuse and can be seen as a form of coercive control aimed at diminishing the victim’s autonomy (Stark, 2007).
Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships
Gaslighting in romantic relationships often involves one partner subtly or overtly controlling the other by denying facts, shifting blame, or distorting reality. Common phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re imagining things” can invalidate a partner’s feelings and experiences. These tactics may start small but can escalate over time, making it difficult for the victim to identify the manipulation.
Psychologists suggest that gaslighting in intimate relationships is often used as a strategy to maintain power dynamics. It can be linked to attachment styles, where individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment may be more prone to engage in or become susceptible to gaslighting behaviours (Dutton, 1995).
When gaslighting becomes habitual, it can significantly impact the victim’s self-esteem and mental health, potentially leading to anxiety, depression, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
Example of gaslighting in romantic relationships can be found in the movie Darlings. In this film, Hamza frequently manipulates his wife, Badru, by minimizing his abusive behaviour and blaming her for his actions. He often gaslights her by saying things like, “I only drink because you stress me out” or “You overreact to everything.” This not only deflects responsibility away from him but also makes Badru question whether she is truly at fault for his outbursts.
This depiction shows how gaslighting can be used to maintain power and control in an abusive relationship, leaving the victim doubting their perceptions and feeling trapped.
Family Gaslighting: A Legacy of Manipulation
In family dynamics, gaslighting can span generations, with parents, siblings, or even extended family members engaging in these behaviours. It often appears in the form of dismissive or controlling language, such as “That never happened” or “You’re just being dramatic.” This type of manipulation can cause long-term psychological damage because family relationships form the foundation of one’s identity and self-worth.
Gaslighting within families may occur because of unresolved trauma or maladaptive coping mechanisms passed down from previous generations. Family therapists note that such behaviours can be rooted in a parent’s own need for control or to maintain a “harmonious” family narrative, even if it requires distorting the truth (Bowen, 1978). The implications for the victim can be profound, including chronic feelings of guilt, shame, or self-doubt.
In Taare Zameen Par, the father, Mr. Awasthi, consistently dismisses Ishaan’s difficulties with studies, labelling them as laziness or rebellion. His refusal to acknowledge Ishaan’s dyslexia and pushing him to conform to societal expectations reflects a form of gaslighting. The constant invalidation of Ishaan’s experiences not only harms his self-esteem but also contributes to his sense of isolation.
Workplace Gaslighting: Undermining Professional
Confidence
In the workplace, gaslighting can take a more insidious form, where a manager or colleague may manipulate an employee into doubting their competence or value. Statements like “You’re overreacting” or “That was never part of the discussion” can make an employee question their memory and professional judgment. This kind of psychological manipulation can lead to reduced job satisfaction, burnout, and even career stagnation.
Research in I/O psychology has shown that gaslighting in the workplace is a form of bullying that can affect not only the victim’s mental health but also organizational culture. When left unchecked, it can create a toxic environment where distrust and low morale prevail (Einarsen, Hoel, & Notelaers, 2009).
In the movie Tamasha, Ved’s boss repeatedly undermines his creativity by emphasizing the need to conform to the rigid corporate mode. His ideas are dismissed as impractical, and his unique approach to work is downplayed, leading Ved to doubt his capabilities and accept a monotonous life that isn’t aligned with his passions.
Friendships and Social Circles: Gaslighting Among
Peers
Gaslighting can also occur in friendships, where one friend might manipulate another to maintain control or superiority within the relationship. It can manifest as dismissive comments, subtle insults, or invalidating a friend’s experiences. Statements like “You’re just being paranoid” or “You always make a big deal out of nothing” can erode the victim’s confidence and isolate them from the support they need.
From a social psychology perspective, gaslighting in friendships may involve social comparison, where the gaslighter seeks to maintain a sense of superiority by diminishing their friend’s self-esteem (Festinger, 1954).
In Dear Zindagi, there is a subtle instance of gaslighting in the relationship between Kaira and her friends. One of her friends constantly dismisses Kaira’s feelings about her career struggles and relationship issues by saying things like, “You’re just overthinking” or “It’s not that big of a deal, you should just be happy.” While these comments may appear supportive on the surface, they invalidate Kaira’s genuine concerns and experiences, making her question whether her struggles are even worth addressing.
Recognizing and Addressing Gaslighting
Identifying gaslighting can be challenging because it often involves subtle, gradual manipulation. However, there are several signs to watch for, including:
- Frequent self-doubt or second-guessing oneself.
- Feeling confused or as if you’re “going crazy.”
- Apologizing often without a clear reason.
- Withdrawing from friends or activities due to fear of judgment.
- A noticeable power imbalance in the relationship.
To address gaslighting, it’s important to establish boundaries and seek external validation from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals.
References
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).
- Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive therapy of depression. Guilford Press.
- Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.
- Dutton, D. G. (1995). The batterer: A psychological profile. Basic Books.
- Einarsen, S., Hoel, H., & Notelaers, G. (2009). Measuring exposure to bullying and harassment at work: Validity, factor structure and psychometric properties of the Negative Acts Questionnaire-Revised. Work & Stress, 23(1), 24-44.
- Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140.
- Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.
- Sunstein, C. R. (2001). Republic.com. Princeton University Press.
